Moderator

Hello my name is Daniel Balaam-Hiatt, I am a father to four children, I have two boys and my rainbow daughter, I also have my angel who I think about everyday.

We had been trying for approximately 2 years to conceive, my wife then did a test one day and it came up that she was 1-2 weeks pregnant, we was over the moon with excitement after trying for so long with no joy, not long after that my wife started to get really bad back pain and she started to bleed, so we was referred to the early pregnancy unit, where we was told that they could see the start of are baby but it was two early to see a heart beat yet so we was told to come back in two weeks, we then came back and was told that “our little pudding” as are angel had become known as was growing but they still couldn’t see a heartbeat and that it might just be a bit to early so come back in another 2 weeks, the time came for use to go back and we went for the scan and was told the words that no parents want to hear, I’m really sorry but your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat,

Mine and my wife’s world came crashing down so fast we didn’t even know what was going on around us.

This left us both completely and utterly devastated, we was then told that because of the size of our angel my wife would have to go into theatre and have our angel removed from her womb, that was an awful thing for my wife to go through and as her husband I felt absolutely useless, I was suppose to be there to protect her and our baby and I couldn’t even do that.

This left me in a very dark space with my mental health and I was really struggling to function as a parent as well as a human being, I felt so lost and just didn’t know where to turn to, I was told by the hospital of a charity to try but they really wasn’t for me, my wife found a group online that was an angel group just for mums and it was helping her to process and cope a bit better so she said that maybe I should get some support. So I went looking on Facebook and I came across daddies with angels so I put a request in and was accepted into the group and instantly I was welcomed in and dads started to talk to me and give me support and answered my questions about how I was feeling and is this normal. I also learnt that it was ok to laugh and smile again after losing and angel.

In December 2019 I was asked by Dan hill if I would be interested in being a moderator in daddies with angels, I was really honoured to be asked and I am now one of the support moderators offering support to dads with in the group and sharing my experiences with them, it’s a brotherhood that no dad ever asked to be in but I can honestly say that I’m proud to be a member of daddies with angels  and to be a moderator here helping dads deal with their grief of losing their angels