• Various

An Angel made. Travers-James (T.J) 16.09.09-20.11.10.

It had been a routine day.

Military style morning, with everyone reporting for breakfast at the same time and then marching off to school.

Helen did the school run as I had things to do at home. She had dropped the boys (Declan, Curtis and Calum) off at school; before taking Miya-May to nursery; and then off into town for some shopping.

Helen got home just before the school run and T.J decided he wanted to sit with his dad. He waved goodbye to his mum and sat and watched cartoons.

When Helen returned with the other children, T.J was asleep; but quickly woke when he heard the other. His face beamed with excitement as he slid off the chair and ran over to greet Miya-May.

It was the normal post school, can I have and the arguments over what was going to be watched on the t.v. Like I said a normal day. Tea time then more hustle bustle and a bit more play. The Simpons were doing the usual six o ‘clock show….all was quite.

T.J was becoming a little miserable. maybe tired from his day out, his rough and tumble with his brothers and his sisters or just the time for bed. Helen took T.J for a bath and then a little more time to play. His little red cheeks were saying I’ve had enough for today, time for bed.

Helen picked him up and he nestled his head into her shoulder. Helen asked him if he wanted to say goodnight to me. He nodded no, but raised a little smile. I waved, blew a a kiss and said goodnight little man..for the last time ever.

The other children went to bed, the last at about 8pm. Helen took a bottle of milk up for T.J at about 11am. She said he opened his eyes, smiled, took his bottle and settled down to sleep. Then we went to bed.

At about 5am we were woken up by Miya-May shouting.helen went upstairs and found Miya-May in T.J’s bedroom. She was shouting for him to play. Helen had already decided that this was not going to happen and took Miya-May back to her bed.

Calum, who shared a room with T.J, was rousing and T.J. was on his bed, bum in the air (a way he often slept). Helen went back in to their bedroom. Calum was standing in the middle of the floor. Helen described him as like a rabbit in the headlights of the car. T.J hadn’t moved.

She touched him;he didn’t move. She screamed my name and I jumped out of bed and ran upstairs; knowing from the scream that something was wrong.I went into the bedroom ,I saw T.J and then knew my suspicions were right and picked him up.

I went into auto mode and started barking out orders.' Phone, get the kids in the living room (biscuits, sweets and cartoons) and stand by the door'.

I gently lay him on the floor he was stiff and cold. I had already started trying to revive him as the emergency operator began to talk. (The phone was on loud speaker) I knew it was too late, but I knew I would never forgive myself if I hadn’t tried!

The next thing I knew a paramedic had come into the room, put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘ there's no more you can do;.

It had been twenty minutes. I broke the news to Helen she slid to the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. I could not console her, no one or nothing could. He baby had died.

Over the next hour the house was filled with medics, police and forensic officers.

It was all a blur.

They all asked how how Helen was.

Just after 8 it was time to take T.J to the hospital. Helen went with him and looked after the children. I explained as well as I could what had happened. They were still young and had not experienced death before,I said he would not be coming home.

It didn’t sink in.

Time to do the phone calls. I phoned Helen’s dad, he asked how Helen and the children were.

I phoned my mum and dad, they asked how Helen and the children were.

I phoned my eldest children, they asked how Helen and the children were.

The neighbors knocked and asked how Helen and the children were.

Helen ran and I asked her how she was, she didn’t ask me.

We asked about the boys going to the hospital to say goodbye to T.J. We decided it was the best thing to do. I would stay home with Miya-May. A family friend collected the boys and asked how Miya -May were. I sat at home. Not thinking. Not sure what to do. A can of beer and emptiness for company.

Helen and the boys came home about 6. I asked how they were.

They didn’t ask me.

Did everyone assume that I was ok?

That I was strong?. That I had to keep things together?

I had lost a baby too.


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