• Various

Charlie Tuff

Today was to be one of the happiest days of my life up there with 25/08/2015 and 03/12/2011 but the night before we go to the hospital I can't sleep! This is because I no we can't bring our baby home with us xxxx Charlie Tuff was born 5/7/2016 at 0047 8.5lb I was so happy and sad at the same time. It was the little footballer that I always wanted!! I just don't no what to say at this time we thought we were having a boy the whole time and I am so happy that we got r little boy but so sad and cross that we can't take him home and watch him grow xxx I have spent all morning with Charlie telling him all the things I was going to do with him when he grew up, I no he won't b with us but it is all the things I had planned to do with my son and this has made me very happy I don't want today to end Tomorrow is charlie 's funeral it is going to b such a hard day for us all but I hope I can hold it together both for jo and my mum and dad! The night before the funeral I woke at 4am not able to sleep so many emotions going through my head! Just can't understand how or why this happened!! Today will b the day we put charlie to rest but it will b a long hard road for all of us but I believe that if we all help each other we will get through it xxx So we laid Charlie to rest and I somehow had the strength to carry the coffin! It was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life xxxx I still see him every time I close my eyes before I go to bed. I don't know if this will ever stop but I don't want it to xxxx It is my birthday tomorrow and I have been thinking about Charlie a lot. I have been thinking about what we would be doing for my birthday! Also it is getting close to Christmas and I have been thinking about what presents we would be getting Charlie xxx I just wish I could even go back to the morning we had Charlie just to hold him and talk too him again! I still remember that morning so well jo had went to get changed and sorted and I sat on the windowsill beside ur crib and talked about what we would have done!! I really miss that and wish I could do that again xxx It's really close to Christmas now and it is the nativity at church 17/12/16 I was asked to do the prayers in church! It was really hard as part of it was about people who r not with us old or young and it has made me really think about you today! I have found it really hard today and had a cry with jo and Alexis xxx I have not wrote here for a while but have been thinking about u a lot and having dreams about u! I really miss u and wish I could go back to the day u were born just to hold u again but I don't think I could let u go this time xx. Scarlett is walking now and I found that hard as we missed u taking ur first steps. Also on holiday I seen a wee boy about ur age now playing at the park with his sister and I think that is why I have been thinking about u soo much at this time xxx Alexis is back to school now and I have been thinking about when Scarlett will start school it will b so hard and mixed emotions as it will b when u should b starting school as well xxx


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