Shane Tait

Support Team

I have been asked to write a bio and to be honest I did not know what to write. Its not something I have done before so I had to think. After taking time out I realised it should he easy, I talk about my son when ever I can and have shared his story on a number of occasions. But what made it difficult is writing about me and why I do what I do. Well here it is and why I do the work I do. I was only 18 when my life would change for the better and I would have to grow up quickly. I was young and naïve but even at a young age I always put others thoughts and feelings before my own. I didn't think at 18 that my future would pan out the way it did. At the time me and my then partner, were young and wanted a baby. We weren't together for long but it felt right. After a month of trying we were pregnant. I always wanted a family of my own. I know that's strange for an 18 year old bloke to want but that's what I always wanted. This was the start of a little me that I could do father things with. I wasn't bothered about the sex of the baby at this point, just couldn't wait to meet them. Not at any stage of the pregnancy did I think anything could go wrong but then I think everyone thinks that. The pregnancy was not simple at the beginning but over time the stress and pressure eased from her side of the family especially after the first scan. Everyone was excited from both sides of the family but not as excited as me and my partner.

 

Everyday I would come home and there would be more baby clothes and I loved it; it made it feel more real. Throughout the pregnancy we called the baby Riley. Boy or girl that would be their name and it had stuck. After the 20 week scan we found out we were having a boy. Riley carried on growing and the pregnancy was going brilliant. It felt so real as we got closer to him being born. That famous name RILEY that had been shared for 9 months would soon have a face to the name. If i had a hard day at work there was nothing better then coming home and seeing my partner happy and content, glowing, with yet again more clothes she'd bought for him, it always cheered me up. I can't remember a day that I didn't rub her belly, talking to him, planning my dreams and the things we would do when he was born. Every time I would say I love you Riley and kiss her belly with out fail. On the 15th of February 2011, I received a phone call at work, it was my partner. Before I answered I was shaking just thinking "oh my god it’s time she’s giving birth". Not in a million years did I think it would be this. I answered and these will be the most haunting words I will ever hear and never be able to forget, "I'm sorry. Shane I'm so sorry".

At this time my partner had gone to Northampton general for a vaccination jab or talking about it as she is allergic to raw egg, so I didn't think much of the appointment apart from it being normal. I tried calming her down as much as possible and said I'll be there as soon as possible. I rang my office to get another carer to take over, but I had to wait 30 minutes until I would get relieved from my duties. I felt so guilty for my partner at this time. All I heard was I am sorry, not knowing what's happened but what ever had happened she had done on her own. I felt like a failure. I rang my mum and dad and said something's happened to Riley I dunno what but its not good. Dad picked me up from work and took me to the hospital. I saw my partner and gave her the biggest hug possible. The first thing she said again was "I'm sorry".

I found out from her that Riley's heart had stopped beating. In that moment my dreams and ambitions had sunk and shattered in a million pieces. I felt even more guilty for her as she had had 3 scans and by the first one she knew something wasn't right, and she done that on her own and I wasn't there. I did not know what to say or do. I wanted to scream, cry, shout bit I couldn't. I had to be strong. The midwife explained the next steps. She was given a tablet and we had to come back the following day. We arrived home and made a cup of tea for my partner. I went upstairs and seen Riley's baby stuff, baby clothes, cot, push chair everything. It hit home. I walked over to his cot grabbed his snowsuit, gave it the biggest hug and just fell to the floor and burst into to tears. I didn't know how long I was up there until my partner came up and gave me a hug and said everything will be okay.

ABOUT US

Daddy's with Angels (DWA) are an international charity providing support and guidance to all family members affected by the loss of a child at any age or gestation and by any cause.
 

DWA deliberately target support for bereaved dads due to the lack of available Male support across the sector.


Registered Charity in England and Wales: 1173978

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